The day that my whole world turned upside down was the day my mom died.

It was a warm, sunny June morning. I had a hop in my step, a fun blue and white dress on and my favorite red shoes. Fun tunes were playing as I drove to work. I was ready for my day.

As I approached the parking meter and looked at the time, 8:30 a.m., my phone rang. It was my sister. I said hello, and I heard, “Hi Shelley, Mom died this morning.” I immediately burst into tears yelling no,no,no you can't leave me now. I fell to the ground. My mom was my rock, my support.

The next few weeks were a blur. Moving through the emotions of grief, tending to the business of dying, little did I know how much my life would change. When I returned to work a couple of weeks later, sitting at my desk, I realized I couldn’t do this. I could not think, I could not concentrate, I was sad, empty, hollow and just sitting there. I needed to take a leave from work. As the HR Manager, for the first time, I placed my needs first. I didn’t care what people thought. I took the rest of the summer off. I knew I needed help.

I called my Employee Assistance Plan hotline and was set up with a counselor. This was the first time I ever asked for help. I attended the sessions regularly, and it was helpful talking to someone. 

What came from these sessions was more than unpacking my grief. There were words like “codependency,” “people pleaser” and “narcissism.” Words I was unfamiliar with. I immediately started to research these new words. As a born investigator, as I like to call myself, I took to the internet to learn more. What I discovered was fascinating. All of this was starting to make sense to me. My relationship with myself, my husband, my family members—all coming to light! The heaviness was unbearable. I began to look inside of myself to make sense of my outside world.

From 2018 to 2021, my daughter got married, I left my husband, my Mom died, my Dad died and my family as I knew it died. The divorce was final, and there I was alone…and living through a pandemic like everyone else. This is where all the healing began. The highs, the lows, the twists and turns. I felt everything for the very first time. I had stopped running from my life. From “human doing” to “human being,” I learned to sit in silence and let every emotion flow through me. The tears were endless at times, and the laughter so needed when it came about. The sadness, the feeling of being alone, always gave me that nudge to go outside, be in nature, and walk—and boy did I walk. I remember checking my steps one day, and I was close to 30,000 steps. 

I was frazzled, for lack of a better word. I needed help sorting out all the emotions I was feeling, all the overwhelm and all the sadness. I began listening to meditations on Insight Timer to calm myself, and it was here that I found The Adult Chair®. I listened, and I was instantly hooked. I listened to every podcast imaginable, and I found such relief knowing that it was okay to feel all of this stuff, and to have all this stuff going on inside of me.

I learned how my childhood directly impacted how I was showing up in my adult life. I learned so much about myself, about all human beings and, most importantly, about how to love myself and that everything would be okay. I would be okay.